Call us Port Elizabethans country if you will, but at least we know how to stay cool in the gym.
Not so in Cape Town at the bottom of Wynberg Hill.
Here are six things seen in a Constantia gym that you will be hard pressed to find in PE. (And I’m not talking Organic Chai Tea Lattes here.)
1. The Spandex Hotpants Onesie.
A gentleman on the stepper sported a skimpier version of this gear, with strategic cutouts at the lower back and lower obliques. All the lower extremities, really. He finished off the look by tying his t-shirt around his head. Lawrence of A-Gymia.
2. Push Ups Poolside in a Speedo.
I must admit I saw a hamstring stretch-in-a-Speedo once in PE, and, considering that there are only about three degrees of separation in the Bay, I could name and shame the perpetrator, but I won’t. However, I will say that unless you are Ryan Lochte, you shouldn’t be doing push ups in a Speedo in public.
Picture bluerave flickr
3. The Forward Somersault into the Training Pool By a Grown Man.
Also known as the Granny-Splasher, because this bomb drop sent spray so far into the leisure pool it disturbed the duckies in Aqua Aerobics.
4. Graeme Smith.
Sorry girls, you ain’t never going to see him in PE, even though he’s again on the singles list. He drinks coffee, totes his babies, even changes diapers. I’ve not seen him actually work out, but by the looks of him I’m sure he does. Same goes for Jacques Kallis, Schalk Burger and the other muscly creatures who look vaguely familiar in a SuperSport way.
5. The Ogling Ice Pack 911.
This guy on the workout machine watches, surreptitiously he thinks, the cleavage of a lovely lunger, but then, alas, he loses his place in time and space, and, well, he crushes his knee. The crushed knee needs first aid, an ice pack and a sympathetic ear, but first, he must hobble, assisted, past the cleavaged lunger, off the gym floor.
6. The Walk of Fame
This is the platform for the person who chooses not to use the purpose built swimming pool change rooms, out of which you and I would slip, betowelled, in order to dash minimal meters to the pool. No, this is the walk of the bold, the march of the brave, those who leave their clothes in the most distant bathroom at the back of the gym and then stroll before steppers, stationary bikes and treadmills, in only their Speedos.
So when you next go down to PE and you hit the gym, remember to bring your iPod for entertainment. It isn’t the bottom of Wynberg Hill.